Parenting Infants

There is a group of us at work that meet every Monday over lunch for DBT planning.  We each co-teach a Dialectable Behavior Therapy group with the residential units.  We use lunch time on Mondays to plan our groups for the week.  Really I think we like to do this as an excuse to get out of the building.  After we had finished our group planning we began talking about kids.  Since I am the only one of the group that had kids they direct a lot of questions towards me.  Someone brought up that they were listening to NPR this morning about breast milk banks.  She said that what was more astonishing than the fact that there was a breast milk bank was that they charged $250 an ounce for the milk.  The conversation quickly turned to the importance of breast milk for infants.  I offered that I wanted the benefit but admitted that it was a big commitment on my part.  You feel as though the child is attached to you and that you are not able to go anywhere.  I breast fed for my daughter for the first 6 months.  It became too difficult when I went back to work to pump and keep it cold during the day.  Our society today realizes the importance of breast milk and is trying to make it available to others that for one reason or another is not able to provide that for their children.  One of the ladies stated that the NPR spoke with a women who looked into the breast milk bank but found that it was too expensive.  She ended up finding someone from one of her mother's groups that offered her breast milk.  This woman's husband delivered the milk gallons at a time.  I am not sure that this practice is completely socially acceptable.  It still seems strange to breast feed your child into the toddler years.  I know that there are groups of mothers who support this.  However I have been told before that babies have gotten the benefit of breast milk at the very least at the first six months.  My how times have changed.  Someone saw a problem and found a solution for those who were not able to produce it on their own.  It may become more socially acceptable when our children are our age.  We all want what is best for our children.  We want them to be happy and healthy and to assure that they are getting everything they need.

Interdependency of the Domains

So today is Saturday and yes I am a geek, I was working on homework and doing some reading of the online lectures.  I was reading over the three domains that psychologists study: physical, cognitive, and social and emotional.  It is no wonder that psychologists study these three domains because they are linked together in just about every aspect of individuals.  Each domain depends upon the other two for guidance. 

I read the article Fertility Clinics Begin to Address Mental Health by Laurie Tarkan (October 8, 2002 New York Times) and really had some strong emotions personally about the subject.  I myself have struggled with infertility and had been through them emotional side that was expressed in the article.  When we (my husband and I) started trying to have a child I was thrilled that I could become a mommy.  Yet after months of trying and nothing I became increasingly downhearted.  After a year we decided to seek help.  We both went into this know that we could not afford the expensive treatments or adoption.  The doctor had a plan laid out that we would have to do some testing but that there were a few things we could try that would not empty our bank account.  So we developed a plan.  A month later I found out I was pregnant.  I was over joyed and excited.  The doctor scheduled a sonogram to assure that everything was okay.  That appointment did not go as I had hoped.  He could not find a heart beat and told us that I would more than likely miscarriage within a week.   I was totally devastated.  He scheduled another sonogram in two weeks just to make sure and if I have not miscarried and there was still no heart beat they would have to surgically end the pregnancy.  Emotionally I was done.  I could not eat and I went through the next two weeks like a zombie.  I blamed myself because it was my body that was the culprit here.  My husband tried to get me to think positively but I just could not think about anything other than I had finally gotten here and now it was going to be taken from me again.  Two weeks arrived and I drug myself back to the doctor.  I was extremely nervous and to the doctors surprise there was the heart beat!  I was extremely relieved and could not wait to get out and tell everyone.  After I finished reading about how fertility clinics are now offering counseling to their patients I think that is a wonderful way to help their patients cope with these emotions.  I think emotions run the show of the three domains.  We are emotionally driven people.  Most of what we do comes from emotions.  When we are babies we need to be held, cuddled, loved.  When we don't get our needs meet we cry and are unhappy.  I was getting ready to sign off and my daughter, who is three, comes up to me and says "I want to make you happy".  It is difficult not to cry thinking that she already has.

Getting started

I thought this was an interesting way to talk about what I have learned in the class.  I have been struggling to find out how to start my blog.  Everything has a beginning so I thought I would just start there.  It is interesting that we try to determine who we are by where we have come from and who our parents are.  Ideally two people have a child because they are in love.  However as time has shown, this is not always the case.  Does this determine what type of person we will become.  If we are born into a loving home does that determine that our life will be filled with roses?  If we are born into a home that is struggling does that mean that we then struggle?  It will be interesting to look at ourselves as individuals rather than a group.  I think we learn more about ourselves when we look at where we have come from, what we have been through and where we plan to be in the future.