From Beginning to End

We enter the world not knowing who we are or where we are going.  We learn to manipulate our surroundings and that we have to interact with those surroundings.  Our brain develops connections and we love to learn and don't forget much of anything when we are young children.  We want the world around us to be fair but still look to our parents to support and guide us by giving us rules and feedback.  We later begin to see our parents as holding us back and feel the need to push the limits and test the rules.  Now instead of looking to our parents for answers we are looking to our friends and close social groups.  We often fall victim to peer pressure and end up realizing that what our parents were telling us all along was right.  Our bodies change and never stop changing.  We enter young adulthood and are practicing different relationships and further developing our sense of self.  Further into adulthood we often begin to start the process over with our own children however we ourselves have not yet figured everything out.  Later adult hood we tend to regress back to some child like mannerisms and technology seems to be strange to us.  We tend to resist change and stick to what is familiar to us.  We now look to our children to take care of us instead of us taking care of them.
One thing is for sure it is not about making a good life but living the one that you have.  We all have the same beginning and end but the journey is what makes us unique.

Stress and Health in Adulthood

As we go though childhood and adolescents we are learning how to cope with all sorts of situations.  In turn we are learning how to cope with stress.  Our ability to learn these coping mechanisms will help us when we become adults.  Stress can be motivating for some adults, however too much stress can be detrimental to our health.  We develop our own stress management system.  There are many ways that we, as adults choose to deal with the stress of our every day lives.  Some may use exercise as a means to deal with it while other may eat their stresses away.  Exercise is an excellent way to deal with stress because not only are you able to relieve the psychological issues but you are helping your body stay resilient against disease and boost our immune system.  As many of us know eating is not the best way to cope with stress.  We tend to use foods that are filling but are not nutritious.  America has become a society with more obese people.  Diabetes has become increasingly common throughout our society.  An increase in fat has increased the number of colon cancer, heart attack, and even breast cancer. 
The older we get the more changes our body goes through.  Now instead of holding the paper or book close to our face we are holding it at arms length.  Our hearing becomes increasingly worse.  That may be from the loud music that we enjoyed in our adolescents and even early adulthood.  The older we get the more things we start to see that are going wrong with our bodies.  Our bones are not as solid as they used to be and many adults, especially women, have to take calcium supplements to make up for it.  For women things start sagging and do not hold up as well as they did when we were in our 20's and 30's.  Reproduction is no longer possible with the help of menopause.  This hormonal change is difficult for most women who can suffer hot and cold flashes as well as several weeks of bleeding at a time and at irregular patterns.   Men tend to have erectile dysfunction.  If you ask me we (women) got the raw end of the deal.

Relationships

Relationships play an important part our our development and the development of our children.  At an early age socialization is important to our development of peer relationships.  My daughter who is four will call one girl in her preschool class her best friend one day but may say that she is not her best friend the next because they had an argument.  As our children get older they begin to define the different types of relationships as well as different types of peer relationships.  Within our peer relationships our teenage children are looking for acceptance into a group or clique.  Teenagers are looking for the type of friends that will not reject them because of a flaw and will stick by them.  Parents often struggle with where the loyalty is coming from and what the intentions of the group are.  Teenagers often look for those who share the same beliefs, likes and dislikes.  These friendships help our teenagers develop a sense of self and help them deal with being a teenager.  There are so many ups and downs in a teenagers life that they may all very well be labeled bipolar!  But having a close set of friends that are your own age and can share some of the same anxieties can be helpful in making it through the rough times. 
Teenage years are often when dating becomes a topic for many.  Parent dread the day that their "baby girl" goes out with a boy in her class.  I remember my dad threatening to clean his shot gun on our front porch when my first date was coming to pick me up.  As a parent of a girl I now understand what my parents may have been thinking. 
Peer pressure is now all around your children.  This can be very strong within the clique.  The need to belong I think really drives this.  We want so badly to be a part of a group or clique that sometimes we will do almost anything.  Other times we see others that are maybe part of a popular crowd engaging in a particular activity and want to follow along.  Many things that we see involve clothing items such as the now popular skinny jeans or the way a particular item is worn as when I was younger with the tight rolling of the jeans.  You do so because everyone else is doing it and yes you get the "If your friends jumped off a bridge would you?" lecture from your parents.  I am sad to say that working with teenagers I have uttered that phase a time or two. 
Parent child relationships help us feel comfortable with the peer choice that our teenagers make.  We want those open communication lines so that our teens feel comfortable coming to us and talking about what is on their mind.  We know that they are going to talk with their peer group or clique but if there is not open communication between the parents and the teen, the teen may wind up with the wrong information.  Teens and parents do not always see eye to eye.  In fact they often see things from different perspectives.  For example I was the oldest and had a curfew of 9pm until I moved out of my parents house.  I always thought that was crazy because my friends did not have curfews and were allowed to stay out as late as they wanted.  Now looking back I know that was how my parents dealt with the safety issue.  We had moved from a small town to a city and they were terrified of the types of things that I would get into later in the night. 
With the changing family dynamics I think that more older teens are taking on parenting responsibilities of younger siblings.  Many families have both parent working and rely on the older child to take care of the younger ones while the parent are a work.  This causes the teenager to grow up a little sooner than in previous years and can often cause resentment for the parents.  Again open communication will help teenagers and parents talk about how they are feeling a resolve some of those issues before they become problematic.

Childhood Obesity

Childhood obesity is a growing problem in America.  We as parents need to be concerned not only about our children but about ourselves as well.  Society has not changed its view on emphasizing thinness so why does this continue to be a growing problem?  One explination is genetics.  If the parents are overweight then it is more likely that the children in that family will be overweight as well.  Some scientist are looking at genetics to maybe explain obesity in some.  A group of French genetists and nutritionists found what they consider to be the cause of obesity.  The disfunction, they believe, is within the Leptin receptors which are not regulating the fat intake well (Berk). 

Another explination could be the environment that our children are growing up in.  Another study conducted by Dr. Kimberly Morland looked at urban communities and the availablility of healthy foods (2002).  She found that the seclection of foods in vairus neighborhoods related to the dominant race of that neighborhood.  So in other words it is easier to get fried chicken and a greasy hamburger when you do not have any other alternatives.  I can see this around here.  I work in south Kansas City and live in a suburb.  The quick places for me to grab lunch are not that healthy.  They are your standard: McDonald's, Burger King, KFC, Sonic, etc.  Yet closer to home I have choices like Pita Pit and Jason's Deli which have much healthier options.

Yet another explination puts the blame on technology.  Our children now have more electronics than we did when we were children.  Between television, video games, and the computer they have more than enough to keep them from getting up off the couch!  I remember growing up and not having anything but the TV.  Although that was not worth watching because you only had about 5 chanels to choose from.  Many children now do not play outside they would rather sit inside and play video games or get on the computer.  This causes a lack of physical activity.  Especially the teenagers.  They are all about the social connection and technology makes that easy for them with things like twitter and facebook.

It would seem that all of this could contribute to the rise in obesity for our children.  One thing parents can do is change not only their child's eating habbits but their own.  Children, especially young children, look up to their parents as role models.  If we start with them when they are young and throughout middle childhood they will be more likely to make the right choices when they are teenagers.  Continuing with the positive role model would be to exercise as a family.  What a better way to keep yourself active and still spent time with your children.  Put a limit on the video games, television, and computer so that they are forced to find alternatives to these low energy activities.  This will not only help with the physical health of your child but also the emotional and cognitive health.

May 13, 2003, "More Children Are Obese, and More Americans Know It", Marjorie Connelly, New York Times

November 12, 2002, "Good Health Is Linked To Grocer", Mary Duenwald

Parenting Styles

One thing that comes to mind about morality is parenting styles.  I have heard several times from the people that I work with, "when I was a kid my parents would smack me for saying something like that!"  However I wonder how much of that is exaggeration.  I think that most of us want what is best for our children.  When they are born we instantly love our children.  Those adorable tiny fingers and toes.  We are not thinking about how we are going to discipline them.  We are thinking about how we are going to get sleep later!  As our children get older we have to set limits and boundaries.  We do our best to keep them safe by not letting them jump off furniture or out of a tree.  The time always comes that we have to decide how we are going to enforce our rules.  When our children do something wrong many of us have a first reaction of "what are you thinking?"  The hardest part is keeping your cool and not going overboard.  Studies show that children respond better to someone who is warm, caring and consistent.  The best way for a child not to repeat a behavior is to not only reinforce the behavior you want them to display but to tell the reason behind you wanting the change.  Even my four year old will remember what I have told her about things that could possible hurt her.  When we become punishing in our parenting style it is not that effective.  Harsh punishments give children aggressive models.  Remember when you were younger and your parents would punish you?  Did repeat the behavior or did you just get better at hiding it?  We want to reinforce the positive behaviors with our children.  This will increase the likelihood that this particular behavior will be repeated.  What type of discipline we use with our children now will likely be passed on to our own children.  Now I am not saying that we should talk our children out of the middle of the street when a car is coming.  I am going to grab my children out of the street before they get hit!  There are times that we will be strict and use punishment.  We just need to make sure that we are always talking to our children.

Attachment

Why is attachment so important to our development?  For infants it involves a sense of security and protection.  The type of attachment affects our interactions later on in life and even the attachment to our own children.  A secure attachment gives us healthy boundaries and social skills later on in life.  Yet a disorganized/disoriented attachment can be detrimental to our social interactions.  Infants who have a loving and caring parent/caregiver will develop secure attachment.  However an infant who has a parent/caregiver that ignores them and even yells at them will develop disorganized/disoriented attachment.  Infants who suffer abuse and neglect will also have this type of attachment.  So lets talk about those infants that have developed a disorganized/disoriented attachment, does this mean that they are stuck with that type of attachment throughout their life?  Can it be changed or improved?  Absolutely!  Over time the attachment type can be changed for anyone.  Those who grew up not able to trust their parents/caregivers can develop a secure attachment with another caregiver.  However the older a child gets the more difficult it may be to change.  After a certain age I believe that you are no longer working on their attachment but rather the attachment they will develop with their own children.

When we do not get the bonds that we need in infancy and even childhood we will look for it in other places.  Think about teenagers who as a young child did not get what they needed from their parents/caregivers they will look for it in someone else (most often in a romantic relationship).  In today's society it is all too common for teenagers to have babies.  Many teenagers are not ready for the responsibility of parenting a child, but maybe they are looking for the attachment that they did not get with they were younger.  However what they may not be aware of is that the response that parents/caregivers has a big impact on the type of attachment that is developed.  The attachment that may develop here could account for the increase in the number of children with behavior problems. 

So how can we change the attachment that has already been put into place?  Many can benefit from therapy.  There are many programs available that could affect the interactions between parents/caregivers and their children.  Most of all it takes time and patience.

Brain development continued

I attended an informational training last week on Aspergers.  During the talk our clinical director explained that she was fortunate to be able to see, microscopically, the brain learn something new.  We are told that in order to really learn something that we have to repeat or practice it.  What is interesting is that she could actually see the dendrites connect.  She said it was like taking your flattened hand and pointing the fingers towards each other.  She stated that the fingers "would move in and out and then you could finally see them interlock".  She said it was as if the brain had clicked and just got it.  The opposite took place when someone was unlearning a coping skill or behavior.

Even better we have researchers that are taking images of the human brain to find out what the differences are in may types of disorders and diseases.  Dr. Daniel Amen is one who uses SPECT imaging scans to document the areas of the brain that are stimulated for different disorders or diseases.  For example you can look at what a "normal" brain would look like and then one from someone who has been diagnosed with Bipolar disorder before and after medication ( www.amenclinics.com). 

We can see from others research that our brain holds many answers to our development.  Think about if we are able to scan children's brains at birth to see if they have a genetic related disease.  We would be able to help those children better and more effectively at an earlier age.  Disorders such as Autism or Asperger's may not be as difficult to treat as it is now. 

http://www.amenclinics.com/brain-science/spect-image-gallery/spect-atlas/

Technology: Helpful or Harmful?

We have all heard the phrase (or even utter it ourselves) "when I was a child..."  Yet time have changed from when we were children and when our parents were children.  Why is it that things are so different?  Technology.  We now have more child rearing gadgets than they did even 20 years ago.  Think about it I am 33 and when I was growing up there were was not half the baby items that you would find today.  I wonder how my parents even made it with out the pack-n-play that served me well with my daughter.  This handy devise allowed me to have a bassinet/ crib where ever I went.  Or even better yet what did they do without the bobby pillow!  That was my best friend when I had my daughter.  Although we love the modern convenience of today have we ever stopped to think about how this is affecting our children's development?  Take the walker for example.  This was an invention that was around when my mother was little as well as when I was little.  Yet today you do not find many of them unless you happen to be at a garage sale.  Studies have shown that children today are walking sooner than previous generations.  Could this be because of the walker and it's lack of use today?  I guess if you look at it from the stand point that when children of a younger generation were using the walkers that they had to learn how to support their body weight even though they had the idea of how to walk.  Now with the lack of use of the walker the children are not only learning to move their legs but they are learning to balance their weight at the same time.  This could be one explanation for why children seem to be walking sooner than in previous generations.
Then what about cognitive development?  The newest thing that I see commercials for on TV is the reading system for children as young as 6 months.  Where the child is shown a card with "feet" on it and then they grab their foot.  How can this affect our children's development?  What are our children missing out on if they are reading at age two?  My pediatrician once told me that there was no reason to be alarmed if my daughter seemed to be lacking in one area but excelling in another.  She stated that her brain could only work on one thing at a time and that she would get to it.  My daughter was more of a climber than a talker.  She would climb on anything, jump, run, and what she thought was skipping sooner than others her age.  Yet she was not talking understandably until later on. 
I think as parents we have to be careful about what technology that we latch onto and what we don't.  There are some things put into place for safety reasons such as safer cribs and toys.  Yet there are some things that we have found out that we really don't need such as walkers.  Knowing who to listen to is also important.  Always question why?

Brain development

Life is amazing!  We develop from microscopic cells into living, breathing animals that are capable of abstract thinking.  The brain is fascinating to me.  This one organ is what allows us to learn, speak, feel, and allows movement.  For the infant brain there are studies that are looking for the answer to how we learn even the most simple tasks such as grasping or walking.  We have seen one such study conducted by Esther Thelan that looked at how babies are able to learn to grasp and object that is put in front of them.  She was able to see that even though each baby started out taking different paths to reach the toy dangled in front of them they all began taking the same path in the end.  It was as though their brains were using trial and error to figure out the correct sequence to be able to grasp the toy.  Me typing right now is because my brain learned the correct sequence to have my thoughts and hands to communicate!  The reason that I can type over 100 words per minute is because I have had lots of practice and use this skill every day.  Nature allows us the ability to be able to learn and nurture allows us to be able to fine tune that skill.  Last week, during a weekly group, we had the girls watch a HBO special about teen drinking.  We started out talking about how these teens had made choices that put them in the situations that they were in.  The video was pretty graphic and I even had to turn my attention at one point.  What was interesting to me about this video was one boy who came in because he had drank a case of beer and ran his four wheeler into a tree.  He had swerved to avoid hitting a squirrel and hit the tree so hard that he split it in half with is head.  Don't get me wrong it was amazing that he survived but what really amazed me was that later he had to relearn every thing.  His brain had been thrown around in his skull causing swelling.  Several weeks later he was having to not only relearn how to eat and talk but to control his emotions and movements.  It was again his brain firing and firing to try and get the right sequence.  The sad part to this story was that we he was able to go home and seemed to be back to normal he continued the same things he was doing before his accident.  We are all continually learning throughout our lives yet the infant brain is like a clean slate.  Babies absorb so much information from the world around it yet it is their brains that help the process that information and make sense of the world around them.

Genes

In looking at my daughter it is amazing how genes work.  My husband and I both have blond hair.  If we get one allele from each parent then our daughter was destined to have blond hair as well.  If we look at my cousin and her family she and her husband both have brown hair.  They have three children, two boys and one girl.  You can definitely tell that they boy are her kids because they look just like her.  The boys both have brown hair yet their daughter has blond hair.  This leads us to believe that both parents are carriers of the dominant gene for dark hair (brown) and the recessive gene for light hair (blond).  This means that they have a 75% chance of their child having brown hair (the two boys) and only a 25% chance of having a child with blond hair (the girl).  If they were to have another child they would have a better chance of that child having brown hair than blond.  As we further our stud of genes and our understanding of the genetic make up of humans the more we know about our offspring.  At some point way into the future we may even be able to decide for ourselves what our children will look like.  We may be able to pick not only hair color but eye color and other physical features. 

Studies of Childhood development

We all want our children to do well in school so that they will grow up to have a well established career, and hopefully take care of us when we are unable to do so.  Where do we begin?  There are so many studies out there about anything and everything you would want to know.  The question that we have to ask ourselves is what results do we listen to. While one study may tell us that those children who are physically fit have a larger hippocampus and do better on tests (Art Kramer).  Another study tells us that if our children believe that they are smart then they will be smart (Dr. Steve Bedwell).  So what do we believe?  Do we believe that if our child eats a healthy diet and gets regular exercise that they will do well academically?  Or do we teach our children to believe in themselves and from that they will succeed?  What if it is a combination of both.  Healthy life style and a healthy attitude towards your own accomplishments could make your child be a well rounded member of society.  It sounds so easy, yet I am still terrified of what happens when I am not there.  I don't think anyone can argue that the world was a different place that when they were kids.  Look at our school system!  There is so much violence in our schools today that it is not uncommon to see metal detectors and off duty police officers patrolling the school grounds. I remember being scared of being sent to the principals office and yet I work with teenagers who regularly are set and cuss them out!  What will it be like when my three year old begins school?  It all seems to boil down to parenting and what we teach our children now.  Respect for your elders has been lost somewhere down the line and I think that we need to pick that back up.  When we are respectful of others we grow as individuals and receive respect in return.  Maybe that should be part of our healthy life style.  Learning to respect again.

Children's brain development is linked to physical fitness; http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/09/100915171536.htm

How to improve your child's academic performance;  http://www.stevebedwell.com/blog/critical-thinking/educating-your-child/

Infancy

As we have read most of infant development is about learning to recognize our surroundings and manipulate them.  Learning that if we move our arm and stretch out our fingers we can manipulate objects around us.  Of coarse to be able to do that we must first have our brain tell our arm and fingers to move  and in which direction.  How do we do this?  Through trail and error.  We see an object dangling in front of us.  Our brain then sends a signal to our arm to move in a direction, and our fingers in a direction.  If this does not result in us being able to grasp the object then we go through the process again.  This information is stored in sensory register but is quickly lost.  When we finally are able to grasp the object that movement pattern is then stored in short term memory or working memory.  The more we practice this pattern of movement the more permanent it becomes and is then encoded into long term memory allowing us to pull from it when needed.

Infants cognitive ability is also developing at this time.  They are being conditioned to know if they cry someone come to aid them.  Whether it is because we are hungry, need to be changed or just wanting attention.  At the same time the infant is conditioning the caregiver to respond to their cries.  I was very conditioned to my daughters cries when she was an infant.  My husband would say that I am still conditioned to her cries.  Does that come from being a mother?  Why is it that her crying does not affect him the same way that is does me?  Does the way that we were raised affect how we raise our children?  Maybe we are conditioned throughout our childhood to respond differently to different stimulus.  For example when my daughter cries is causes me to respond.  When my husband hears her cough it causes him to respond.  Maybe it comes with knowledge.  When it comes to parenting I am not sure we will ever know everything.

Development, How do we know if we are doing it right?

A beautiful baby comes into this world and a part of a loving family.  They have all ten fingers and ten toes.  What more could new parents ask for?  Instruction booklet!  Before the baby we worry about what our plans are for the weekend or even that evening, who we can call to go with us and how early we will get back.  After the baby opens up a whole new world of worries.  Forget weekend plans unless they are made well in advance and sleep what is that?  What most of us parents want to know is am I doing this right?  We want to know that our child(ren) are developing normally and can keep up with peers their own age.  I think almost everyone has heard of Freud and Erikson even if they do not have children or have had a psychology class.  We know their names because of what they have helped us to understand about development and comparison of ourselves to the "norm".  We most commonly measure infants development by milestones.  When did they first smile, laugh, roll over, sit up, crawl, walk, etc.  When you look at the stages laid out by Freud (Psychosexual Stages) and Erikson (Psychosocial Stages) you have to take into account the cultural influences and societal norms for each group.  Where Freud concentrated on the more physical attributes of development (Oral, Anal, Phallic) Erikson concentrated more on the psychological attributes of development (how we come to think and feel emotionally about ourselves and our surroundings).  We have to remind ourselves that our children are developing through the stages and that this is part of life.  We have all drove our parents bonkers at one point or another.  What seems so simple to us is a development for our children.  Their reasoning and thought processes have to be trained.  We did not wake up one day and decide to not touch the fire because it is hot.  We either were told or, what many of us did, we touched it and discovered it was hot.  I believe that there are some experiences that our children have to learn for themselves.  When an infant is trying to grasp a toy we often let them struggle with it for a while.  That is how they train themselves to reach out and grasp it.  (I know that it is not that simple but just trying to make a point).  Our physical bodies have to be trained as well.  We walk but first we learn to manipulate our bodies by rolling over.  Many of us learn to either roll from our front to our back or back to front.  Once we have that down we then discover that if we push ourselves again that we can roll back to our starting position. 

I remember when my daughter was an infant and we were in her room.  I was rocking her and the thought struck me that I was responsible for this little girl.  I began wondering if I would be able to do this (parent) without screwing it up.  I believe that development is a continuous process.  Sure there are stages that you go through but you are constantly developing and growing.  We learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others in our past.  My parents were young and raised both my sister and I the best that they knew how.  I think more than anything we look at not so much just the stages but the ultimate battle between nature and nurture.  As I said my parents raised my sister and I pretty much the same.  However we are completely different people.  I am not sure that I am ready to jump on the nature band wagon just yet though.  I think it boils down to choices that we have made have lead us to different places.  My sister was more a risk taker and I am not.  She was the one normally in trouble and I was afraid of my parents.  If we are who we are because of the choices that we make then that would mean that we would have to develop the cognitive ability to decipher between what our choices are.  We would have to work through Erikson's stages to develop cognitively and hopefully our parents would support us in that endeavor.

Parenting Infants

There is a group of us at work that meet every Monday over lunch for DBT planning.  We each co-teach a Dialectable Behavior Therapy group with the residential units.  We use lunch time on Mondays to plan our groups for the week.  Really I think we like to do this as an excuse to get out of the building.  After we had finished our group planning we began talking about kids.  Since I am the only one of the group that had kids they direct a lot of questions towards me.  Someone brought up that they were listening to NPR this morning about breast milk banks.  She said that what was more astonishing than the fact that there was a breast milk bank was that they charged $250 an ounce for the milk.  The conversation quickly turned to the importance of breast milk for infants.  I offered that I wanted the benefit but admitted that it was a big commitment on my part.  You feel as though the child is attached to you and that you are not able to go anywhere.  I breast fed for my daughter for the first 6 months.  It became too difficult when I went back to work to pump and keep it cold during the day.  Our society today realizes the importance of breast milk and is trying to make it available to others that for one reason or another is not able to provide that for their children.  One of the ladies stated that the NPR spoke with a women who looked into the breast milk bank but found that it was too expensive.  She ended up finding someone from one of her mother's groups that offered her breast milk.  This woman's husband delivered the milk gallons at a time.  I am not sure that this practice is completely socially acceptable.  It still seems strange to breast feed your child into the toddler years.  I know that there are groups of mothers who support this.  However I have been told before that babies have gotten the benefit of breast milk at the very least at the first six months.  My how times have changed.  Someone saw a problem and found a solution for those who were not able to produce it on their own.  It may become more socially acceptable when our children are our age.  We all want what is best for our children.  We want them to be happy and healthy and to assure that they are getting everything they need.

Interdependency of the Domains

So today is Saturday and yes I am a geek, I was working on homework and doing some reading of the online lectures.  I was reading over the three domains that psychologists study: physical, cognitive, and social and emotional.  It is no wonder that psychologists study these three domains because they are linked together in just about every aspect of individuals.  Each domain depends upon the other two for guidance. 

I read the article Fertility Clinics Begin to Address Mental Health by Laurie Tarkan (October 8, 2002 New York Times) and really had some strong emotions personally about the subject.  I myself have struggled with infertility and had been through them emotional side that was expressed in the article.  When we (my husband and I) started trying to have a child I was thrilled that I could become a mommy.  Yet after months of trying and nothing I became increasingly downhearted.  After a year we decided to seek help.  We both went into this know that we could not afford the expensive treatments or adoption.  The doctor had a plan laid out that we would have to do some testing but that there were a few things we could try that would not empty our bank account.  So we developed a plan.  A month later I found out I was pregnant.  I was over joyed and excited.  The doctor scheduled a sonogram to assure that everything was okay.  That appointment did not go as I had hoped.  He could not find a heart beat and told us that I would more than likely miscarriage within a week.   I was totally devastated.  He scheduled another sonogram in two weeks just to make sure and if I have not miscarried and there was still no heart beat they would have to surgically end the pregnancy.  Emotionally I was done.  I could not eat and I went through the next two weeks like a zombie.  I blamed myself because it was my body that was the culprit here.  My husband tried to get me to think positively but I just could not think about anything other than I had finally gotten here and now it was going to be taken from me again.  Two weeks arrived and I drug myself back to the doctor.  I was extremely nervous and to the doctors surprise there was the heart beat!  I was extremely relieved and could not wait to get out and tell everyone.  After I finished reading about how fertility clinics are now offering counseling to their patients I think that is a wonderful way to help their patients cope with these emotions.  I think emotions run the show of the three domains.  We are emotionally driven people.  Most of what we do comes from emotions.  When we are babies we need to be held, cuddled, loved.  When we don't get our needs meet we cry and are unhappy.  I was getting ready to sign off and my daughter, who is three, comes up to me and says "I want to make you happy".  It is difficult not to cry thinking that she already has.

Getting started

I thought this was an interesting way to talk about what I have learned in the class.  I have been struggling to find out how to start my blog.  Everything has a beginning so I thought I would just start there.  It is interesting that we try to determine who we are by where we have come from and who our parents are.  Ideally two people have a child because they are in love.  However as time has shown, this is not always the case.  Does this determine what type of person we will become.  If we are born into a loving home does that determine that our life will be filled with roses?  If we are born into a home that is struggling does that mean that we then struggle?  It will be interesting to look at ourselves as individuals rather than a group.  I think we learn more about ourselves when we look at where we have come from, what we have been through and where we plan to be in the future.