Relationships

Relationships play an important part our our development and the development of our children.  At an early age socialization is important to our development of peer relationships.  My daughter who is four will call one girl in her preschool class her best friend one day but may say that she is not her best friend the next because they had an argument.  As our children get older they begin to define the different types of relationships as well as different types of peer relationships.  Within our peer relationships our teenage children are looking for acceptance into a group or clique.  Teenagers are looking for the type of friends that will not reject them because of a flaw and will stick by them.  Parents often struggle with where the loyalty is coming from and what the intentions of the group are.  Teenagers often look for those who share the same beliefs, likes and dislikes.  These friendships help our teenagers develop a sense of self and help them deal with being a teenager.  There are so many ups and downs in a teenagers life that they may all very well be labeled bipolar!  But having a close set of friends that are your own age and can share some of the same anxieties can be helpful in making it through the rough times. 
Teenage years are often when dating becomes a topic for many.  Parent dread the day that their "baby girl" goes out with a boy in her class.  I remember my dad threatening to clean his shot gun on our front porch when my first date was coming to pick me up.  As a parent of a girl I now understand what my parents may have been thinking. 
Peer pressure is now all around your children.  This can be very strong within the clique.  The need to belong I think really drives this.  We want so badly to be a part of a group or clique that sometimes we will do almost anything.  Other times we see others that are maybe part of a popular crowd engaging in a particular activity and want to follow along.  Many things that we see involve clothing items such as the now popular skinny jeans or the way a particular item is worn as when I was younger with the tight rolling of the jeans.  You do so because everyone else is doing it and yes you get the "If your friends jumped off a bridge would you?" lecture from your parents.  I am sad to say that working with teenagers I have uttered that phase a time or two. 
Parent child relationships help us feel comfortable with the peer choice that our teenagers make.  We want those open communication lines so that our teens feel comfortable coming to us and talking about what is on their mind.  We know that they are going to talk with their peer group or clique but if there is not open communication between the parents and the teen, the teen may wind up with the wrong information.  Teens and parents do not always see eye to eye.  In fact they often see things from different perspectives.  For example I was the oldest and had a curfew of 9pm until I moved out of my parents house.  I always thought that was crazy because my friends did not have curfews and were allowed to stay out as late as they wanted.  Now looking back I know that was how my parents dealt with the safety issue.  We had moved from a small town to a city and they were terrified of the types of things that I would get into later in the night. 
With the changing family dynamics I think that more older teens are taking on parenting responsibilities of younger siblings.  Many families have both parent working and rely on the older child to take care of the younger ones while the parent are a work.  This causes the teenager to grow up a little sooner than in previous years and can often cause resentment for the parents.  Again open communication will help teenagers and parents talk about how they are feeling a resolve some of those issues before they become problematic.